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Military Jokes and Humor

How to Annoy your Military Roommate

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1. Smoke jimson weed. Do whatever comes naturally.

2. Switch the sheets on your beds while s/he is at work.

3. Twitch a lot.

4. Pretend to talk while pretending to be asleep.

5. Steal a fishtank. Fill it with beer and dump sardines in it. Talk to them.

6. Inject his/her twinkies with a mixture of Dexatrim and MSG.

7. Learn to levitate. While your roommate is looking away, float up out of your seat. When s/he turns to look, fall back down and grin.

8. Speak in tongues.

9. Move you roommate's personal effects around. Start subtlely. Gradually work up to big things, and eventually glue everything s/he owns to the ceiling.

10. Walk and talk backwards.

11. Spend all your money on Jolt Cola. Drink it all. Stack the cans in the middle of your room. Number them.

12. Spend all your money on Transformers. Play with them at night. If your roommate says anything, tell him/her with a straight face, "They're more than meets the eye."

13. Recite entire movie scripts (e.g. "The Road Warrior," "Repo Man," Casablanca,") almost inaudibly.

14. Collect all your urine in a small jug.

15. Chain yourself to your roommate's bed. Get him/her to bring you food.

16. Get a computer. Leave it on when you are not using it. Turn it off when you are.

17. Ask your roommate if your girfriend/boyfriend can move in "just for a couple of weeks."

28. Buy as many back issues of Field and Stream as you can. Pretend to masturbate while reading them.

19. Fake a heart attack. When your roommate gets the paramedics to come, pretend nothing happened.

20. Eat glass.

21. Smoke ballpoint pens.

22. Smile. All the time.

23. Collect dog crap in baby food jars. Sort them according to what you think the dog ate.

24. Burn all your waste paper while eying your roommate suspiciously.

25. Hide a bunch of potato chips and Ho Hos in the bottom of a trash can. When you get hungry, root around in the trash. Find the food, and eat it. If your roommate empties the trash before you get hungry, demand that s/he reimburse you.

26. Leave a declaration of war on your roommate's desk. Include a list of grievances.

27. Shoot rubber bands at your roommate while his/her back is turned, and then look away quickly.

28. Dye all your underwear lime green.

29. Spill a lot of beer on his/her bed. Swim.

30. Buy three loaves of stale bread. Grow mold in the closet.

31. Hide your underwear and socks in your roommate's locker. Accuse him/her of stealing it.

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