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Military Jokes and Humor

45 Reasons to Re-Enlist

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Men Helping a Man to Climb a Brick Wall on an Assault Course
Nick Daly/Digital Vision

1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.

2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.

3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)

4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.

5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more complicated than picking my nose.

6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of the 300 thousand people in the military who out-rank me.

7. Being an adult and having somebody inspect me everyday to make sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.

8. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.

9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.

10. Without the military’s influence and good teaching, I would never have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every time it rains.

11. There just aren’t that many jobs out there where you can rest assured that everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over any way they possibly can.

12. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning for a "meeting".

13. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am on leave.

13. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for human consumption" and "for institutional use only."

14. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly" picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having ever been caught doing drugs in my life.

15. Waking up every morning and going to "staff meeting" where a piece of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.

16. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.

17. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's.

18. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully request to get a different one. Event then it is only if my "chain of command" permits.

19. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.

20. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves has nothing to do with it.

22. I hate good food.

23. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.

24. I hate spending time with my family.

25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.

26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists from hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire.

27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.

28. What? You are going on leave?

29. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?

30. Is that local time or Zulu?

30. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up.

31. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.

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