1. Careers
Send to a Friend via Email

Your suggestion is on its way!

An email with a link to:

http://usmilitary.about.com/od/militaryhumor/a/milrules.htm

was emailed to:

Thanks for sharing About.com with others!

Discuss in my forum

Military Jokes and Humor

Military Rules

By

U.S. Marine Corps Rules:

    1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
    2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
    3. Have a plan.
    4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
    5. Be polite, be professional, but have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
    6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
    7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
    8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
    9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
    10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
    11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
    12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
    13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEALS Rules:

    1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
    2. Kill every living thing within view.
    3. Adjust speedo.
    4. Check hair in mirror.

U.S. Army Rangers Rules:

    1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
    2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
    3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
    4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
    5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

U.S. Army Rules:

    1. Select a new beret to wear.
    2. Sew patches on right shoulder.
    3. Change the color of beret you decide to wear.

US Air Force Rules:

    1. Have a cocktail.
    2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
    3. See what's on HBO.
    4. Ask "what is a gunfight?"
    5. Request more funding from Congress with a "killer" PowerPoint presentation.
    6. Wine & dine 'key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
    7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
    8. Declare the assets "strategic" and never deploy them operationally.
    9. Hurry to make 1345 tee-time.

US Navy Rules:

    1. Go to Sea.
    2. Drink Coffee.
    3. Watch porn.
    4. Deploy the Marines.

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.