a. Accidentally spill hot coffee on your lap.
b. Slip the hostess a note to have the boss's wife help her in the kitchen, and see if the hand goes away when she leaves.
c. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. If he follows, don't come out until you have a maximum performance evaluation report.
7. You're on your way to brief the General when your zipper breaks and you discover you've forgotten to put on underwear that morning. You:
a. Call the General's secretary instead.
b. Explain to the General you've been trolling for gays.
c. Slip on a baggy raincoat and head for the dependent school playground.
8. It's November and you've just returned from a TDY (temporary duty) trip to Atlanta, Georgia. You tell your boss nobody but whores and football players live there. He explodes with, "My wife is from Atlanta!" You:
a. Ask what position she plays.
b. Ask if she's still working the streets.
c. Pretend you're going into a malaria induced coma.
9. You're attending a briefing given by a Colonel. You feel a tremendous pressure building in your anal area which you diagnose as gas accumulation. Feeling confident you have the muscle tone required for a controlled venting operation, you allow the sphincter to slightly relax. As the hair curls on the nape of your neck, you realize your error in judgment as fifty cubic centimeters of diarrhea slam into your jockey shorts. Your next action is:
a. Moan loudly, grasp your chest, and fake a massive coronary.
b. Ask mindless questions concerning the subject being briefed, wait for someone to yell, "who gives a sh*t!" then raise you hand.
10. You feel the onset of a horrendous sneeze halfway through a briefing. Realizing you do not have a handkerchief, you elect to sneeze into the naked palm of your right hand. After muttering appropriate social amenity, you conduct visual inspection of the results of your action and discover your palm is encased in a pool of multi-viscosity goo. You elect to:
a. Open your uniform shirt and wipe the secretion on your T-shirt.
b. Pretend you are brushing a fly off the back of the person seated in front of you.
c. Spread the offending matter on your hair, then use a comb to work it in the larger pieces.