Push-Ups
DI: "Drop and give me fat-lady pushups! Nope - she's fatter 'n that!"
Submitted by KIRIANDRA
Excuse Tree
TI: "Trainee Reimer, what is this?"
Me: "Sir, Trainee Reimer reports as ordered. It's a sock sir."
TI: "I know it's a sock, dumbass, look at how it's folded. What's your excuse for this?"
Me: "I had someone help me, because I was working chapel guide, I just got back 20 minutes ago."
TI: "Well trainee, your just one big @#!%&! excuse tree aren't you? Got an excuse for everything, you like being an excuse tree? We'll make you one."
He starts throwing clothes over me, making a tree out of all the clothes in my clothing drawer, which I am holding in my arms, standing at attention. He finishes all the other inspections and tells me to put my clothes away, commending me for keeping my military bearing. I must have stood there, not moving for about 25 minutes, covered in clothes.
Submitted by Chuck Reimer
Men in Skirts
This past week in my NROTC, OW, the Marine option MIDI got a kilt for a kid who was scottish and madE him wear it. He then went up to another kid and this was the dictum"
M: "Do you like Mr. Smith in a skirt?"
Kid: "Yes, Sir!"
M: "So you like men in skirts?"
Kid: "Um... no sir!"
M: "Are you lying to me Mr. Schmoe?"
Kid: "Um... no sir!"
M: "So do you like men in skirts?"
Kid: "Ah........ yes sir!"
I'm not quite sure how we all kept our bearing.
Submitted by Dan
Radar Scopes
My brother (Air Force, '60's) says a guy at chow was apparently looking around in line, and was pulled out and made to stand at attention with his head swiveling back and forth, saying "I am a radar scope, I am a radar scope...."
My brother was at the head of his group going in, rounded the corner, and saw this guy doing his thing. Bro never could keep a straight face and busted out laughing, so... by the time it was all over there was a whole line of them saying "I am a radar scope..."
Submitted by AECFNavyMom
No Cussing
"Lima company you just #$%^&! UP! *Aham* Belay my last! Lima company, you just jerked up!"
Submitted by Mike
Homosexuality
A DI catches a recruit losing his bearing by not keeping his eyes locked on in front of him.
DI: "Recruit Smith (last name changed), Did I just catch you checking out my ass?!!!"
Smith: "No, sir!"
DI: "Are you a faggot, Recruit Smith?"
Smith: "No, sir"!
DI: "Well if you are, then you're out of luck! I'm so straight, I don't even know what the word homosexual freakin' means!"
Submitted by TAXMAN2A
Getting the Boot
You try that again sh*tbag, and I swear to god I will climb up the side of the chowhall and jump off like %^&$#! Spiderman and put my boot through your chest, do you understand that?!"
Submitted by TAXMAN2A
