1. Careers
Send to a Friend via Email
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

Discuss in my forum

Military Jokes and Humor

How to Tell That You're No Longer in the Army

By

1. I call my boss Mike, his boss Larry, and his boss Bob.

2. Kiwi regains its meanings as a flightless bird native to New Zealand.

3. I'm now making full use of both arms for carrying items, and save loads of time not looking for my hat (once I realized I don't wear one anymore).

4. One look at my new paycheck and I now know why they called it the L.E.S.(S). figure out what to wear to work.

5. I can again use the "passive" voice in my writing without the grammar police smacking my knuckles.

6. Forget to shave? Just tell 'em you're starting your beard that day! Haircut? Ha!

7. Can walk to the right side of Mike, Larry, and Bob without violating some medieval concept of courtesy.

8. Have finally worked "Airborne", "Hoo-Ah", Sh*!", and "Fu#@" out of my daily vocabulary.

9. Business lunches, golfing, and baseball season tickets are considered an essential part of work.

10. The ability to run long distances quickly and do many push-ups or sit-ups is not confused for intelligence, leadership potential, or degree of motivation.

11. Have determined brown T-shirts and OD Socks go with nothing in the real world.

12. Can fly to New Zealand to see small flightless birds without having to get permission and a bunch of signatures on an DA Form 31.

13. Can't remember the last time the shoes I wore to work got any mud on them.

14. Office empty at 5:15 PM. Only people left behind are ex-military whose wives couldn't take the shock of seeing their spouses before 7:00PM.

15. No guards at the entrance to my subdivision.

16. All the years of learning great cadences wasted on the civilian world.

17. Discovered jumping out of a perfectly good plane on a business trip is a federal offense.

18. If a cannon goes off at the office at 6:30 AM or 5:00 PM you call 911.

19. No harassment from people with nothing better to do than worry whether my coat is zipped or not.

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.