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Military Jokes and Humor

Military Academy Jokes

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Army Football Training Camp
West Point - The U.S. Military Academy/Flickr
Q: Why do West Point graduates hang their diplomas from the rear view mirror?

    A: To justify their handicap parking.

Q: Do you know why the Army football team should change its name to the "Opposums"?

    A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: Why doesn't Army have ice on the sidelines during games?

    A: The guy with the recipe graduated.

Q. What do you get when you drive slowly by the Military Academy campus?

    A. A degree.

Q: What do a Navy Midshipman and a West Point Cadet have in common?

    A: They both got accepted to West Point.

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and a West Point Cadet?

    A: Six more weeks of bad football.


Navy is playing Army, which has a first down with three minutes left in the half. An Army fan sets off a firecracker, and Navy, thinking it's the end of the half, runs off the field. Three plays later, Army punts.

Bob Sutton gave his Army football team a few days off. Several decided to go down to Panama City Beach for fun and relaxation.

Coach Sutton saw the players the first day back at practice and asked about their vacation.

"Not good coach," said the players. "We never made it to the beach."

"Why not," the coach asked, "car trouble?"

"No," they replied, "every few miles down the interstate we saw signs that said, 'Exit, Clean Restrooms'. You have no idea how many restrooms we cleaned between West Point and Panama City."

The Annapolis grad walked into the bar, sat down and said, "Hey barkeep, you hear the joke about the four West Point players in a farmhouse?" Chairs scraped behind him, and four of the biggest, meanest guys in the bar stood up.

"We played for Army. You sure you wanna tell that joke?" The Navy grad smirked in disbelief and said, "What, and have to explain it four times?"

Q: How many West Point plebes does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: None, it's a second year course.

Did you hear that Army just bought twenty new septic tanks?

Yeah, and Army coach Bob Sutton says as soon as they learn to drive them, they're gonna invade Annapolis.

Q: How many Air Force Cadets does it take to change a flat tire?

    A: Three, two to go for beer and one to call daddy.

Q: How many Navy Midshipmen does it take to change a flat tire?

    A: Five, one to change the tire and four to lament how wonderful the old tire was.

Q: How many Army Cadets does it take to change a tire?

    A: Just one, but he gets four hours credit and it counts as a lab science!

Q: What's the difference between a West Pointer and a catfish?

    A: One's a slimy, smelly, scumsucking bottom feeder, and the other is just a fish.

Q: What are the best four years of a West Pointer's life?

    A: Third grade

An Army football player was almost killed in a tragic horseback riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Thank God the manager of the KMart came out and unplugged it.

Q: How come the Army football team doesn't have a website?

    A: They can't string three "W's" together.

Q: How many Army Cadets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    A: One he just holds onto the bulb and expects the world to revolve around him.

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