The next person to enter the room was a funny lady wearing a pink nurse's outfit. She handed out pens. "Don't put these pens in your mouths." She then walked us through every question of the medical form. She also covered the Privacy Act. "Do not share any medical information with anyone here unless he is a doctor. Do not let anyone examine your records. If I catch you showing your paperwork to somebody else here, I will lean over and whisper 'You better stop that.' If a Marine catches you, he will scream very loudly at you and send you home. If someone warns you once, don't to it again. There are lots of people here, and you are always being watched."
One guy raised his hand. He had to go to the bathroom.
"No you aren't going to the bathroom. If you do, I'll be here all day waiting for a urine sample from you."
He had to go NOW.
The lady was exasperated. "Come with me." She then added, turning to the classroom, "Don't you do nothing wrong in here. I will not be responsible if people have to come mess with you."
The ASVAB
She soon returned, and we finished filling out the comprehensive paperwork. "Who here has to take the ASVAB?"
I raised my hand, as did 20 others. She handed out small, white tubes to everyone and ordered the ASVAB people to form a line. "Take the tube from the wrapper and hold it with the little hole on top facing me."
The tubes were for a breathalyzer test. She affixed the little hole atop the device, and we were instructed to breath into it. "Don't you be blowing hard. Blow like this."
Everyone in my line passed, and we were herded down the hall to the test room. It was filled with computers, and we were each assigned a station. Waiting for us were terminals, two sheets of paper, and a pencil. We were instructed how to use the computers. There were 5 buttons across the keyboard home row labeled A B C D E and the spacebar was labeled "ENTER" There was also a red help button at the top. The test, we were told, lasts 3 hours, and we can leave when we complete it.
They weren't kidding. The test was long and grueling. I'm preparing to graduate from LSU, and I've taken some mean tests. This ranks among the worst. It was divided into around a dozen categories of various length, type, and difficulty. (GUIDE NOTE: See ABCs of the ASVAB, for more information).
The Medical Exam
After completing the test, I was sent to get my blood taken. There was a line of 5 or so ahead of me, but the wait was just over 10 minutes. The medical staff member asked my name and made me verify my social security number. He then sat me in a chair and drew the blood. If you're squeamish about this sort of thing, don't worry: it doesn't hurt. It did take some time, however. Be patient, stay relaxed, and look away.
After my blood was drawn, I was up to give my urine sample. The line in the bathroom wasn't long. I was given a little cup, and you go to the urinal and "give a sample" (Half full). Yes, there is an observer, but no, he is not "in your business."
He just sat to the side and made sure there was no questionable activity. Afterwards, I stood in a line holding my sample, waiting to check it in. It was a little awkward, and the line moved very slowly.
Please don't make the joke, "It looks just like beer." It's old. He's heard it.
Next up was the blood pressure test. I sat in a little chair next to a machine that did the readings. It was very similar to the machine at most drug stores in America, only an observer also checked my heart rate. The entire process lasted only a couple of minutes.
The eye exam was quite interesting. The "read line 9" was the same as at your local Department of Motor Vehicles or eye-doctor, but the depth perception test was a killer. There were 10 or so rows of 5 circles, and I had to locate the circle closest to me. I had some trouble with a couple of rows, and the examiner told me to close my eyes and rest for a second. I did, and was able to spot the closest ring right away.
The next station was the dreaded physical.
Actually, it wasn't that bad. About 10 of us were brought into a large room with a doctor, and he instructed us to strip to our boxers and stand in a line facing the opposing wall. The doctor walked up and down and gave us a cursory evaluation for tattoos or piercings. We were then instructed to touch our toes with our next straight down.
The doctor walked up and down, examining our spines. Then, we were instructed to do various balance and motor skills tests. We had to stick out our left legs and move our toes, then rotate our feet, move them up and down, kick, and so on. Same with the right leg. We also had to do similar motions with our hands and arms. We had to duck walk, which wasn't as goofy as it sounds. We had a visual acuity test, where we followed the doctors fingers with our eyes, and he turned out the light and checked out pupils. Air Force people also had to "pop" their ears.
