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ABOUT.COM MILITARY
NEWSBREAKS
Newsletter #4
03/23/01
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Five Arrested in Connection with Kosovo Bus Attack: PRISTINA, Kosovo — Five Kosovar Albanian men have been arrested by KFOR soldiers in connection with the attack on a bus last month that killed 11 Serbs and wounded more than 40. The men were taken into custody by British troops from the Multinational Brigade Central, part of the NATO-led Kosovo Force charged with maintaining peace and security in the province since 1999.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews001.htm
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No More KP for Marines in Japan: CAMP FOSTER — Marines stationed in Japan will no longer have to pull mess duty. Mess hall jobs such as washing dishes and serving food are being handed over to local civilians, a move that will create 231 new jobs on Okinawa this year. The change will also create 64 new jobs at Iwakuni Marine Corps Air Station and Camp Fuji, two other Marine bases in Japan.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews002.htm
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Australia: US Troops Vital to Success of E. Timor Mission: The Australian military couldn’t have pulled off the 1999 peacekeeping mission in East Timor without the United States, according to a recent report by an Australian military think tank. "Although the U.S. presence was not obvious in terms of troops on the ground, it was critical to the success of the mission," the report states.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews005.htm
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Recent Incidents Have Little Effect on Morale, Recruiting: NAVAL STATION ROTA, Spain — They say bad things come in bunches. Just ask the Navy and the Marine Corps. Bad press, bad incidents and bad luck have descended upon the two services the past six months like an avalanche. Plane crashes, a training bomb accidentally dropped on soldiers, a terrorist attack on a ship trying to refuel, a SEAL trainee drowning and a nuclear submarine fatally colliding with a Japanese fishing trawler in Hawaii. Although the recent accidents and embarrassing mistakes might be an indication of eroding readiness and training problems, the publicity generally has little influence on troop morale, recruiting and the military’s image among the American people, Navy and Marine Corps officials say.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews006.htm
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Young's Army Career Still Up in the Air: Leaders in his unit are deciding what
Young’s future will be in the Army. Whether he will be allowed to continue past
his current contract and whether he will be allowed to attempt to re-qualify
with his newly assigned weapon — the M16 rifle — a weapon he has qualified on,
according to Pinnell.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews007.htm
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Slot Machines Pay MWR's Bills: YONGSAN GARRISON — Staff Sgt. Miguel Childress stood at a video slot machine at the Dragon Hill Hotel recently, trying his luck at matching three symbols for a payoff. Childress, with the U.N. Command Security Battalion at Camp Bonifas, said he doesn’t play the slots very often, even though there are a few machines at his camp. He doesn’t have the time, he says. Childress, who spent about $30 at the machine, said, "I don’t see anything wrong with it as long as you control it and it doesn’t control you." But questions have risen about whether the U.S. military should be involved in the gambling business. Some believe gambling hurts servicemembers.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews008.htm
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Crime Rate in S. Korea Skyrockets in Last 30 Years: The crime rate in South
Korea has skyrocketed 560 percent in the last three decades, according to a
newly released Crime White Paper issued by the Justice Ministry in Seoul. Murder,
rape, armed robbery and arson increased by 460 percent, according to the report,
which examined crime statistics from 1970 to 1999. In 1999, 47 Americans were
tried in Korean courts, the report said. It did not break down how many of the
Americans tried were U.S. military personnel. U.S. Forces Korea officials say
that Korean authorities reported 396 criminal cases involving American military
personnel in 2000. Of those, 191 were traffic offenses. Last year, USFK officials
said, South Korea exercised jurisdiction in only 33 cases.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews009.htm
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Caribbean Islands Would Welcome Navy Bombs: WASHINGTON – The Caribbean nation
of St. Kitts and Nevis would welcome the military exercises that Puerto Rico
is trying to shut down on the island of Vieques, a member of Congress has told
the Pentagon.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews013.htm
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Sailor Struck by Helicopter Blade: SAN DIEGO – A 39-year-old sailor was killed
when he was struck by a helicopter blade, a Navy official said Monday.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews015.htm
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Navy Court of Inquiry Ends with Skipper's Testimony: PEARL HARBOR, Hawaii -
A Navy court of inquiry into the collision of the USS Greeneville and a Japanese
fishing boat ended with the submarine commander’s testimony and key players
blaming bad information, bad judgment and each other.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews020.htm
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Supreme Court Turns Down Marine's Anthrax Vaccine Appeal: A Marine court-martialed
for refusing to take the mandatory anthrax vaccine lost a Supreme Court appeal
today. The high court, without comment, turned down the Marine’s claim that
the military prosecution violated his constitutional rights.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews027.htm
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Plaintiffs Get Green Light to Challenge Army Affirmative Action Program: A federal
judge in Washington, D.C., has given the green light to several current and
former Army officers to proceed with lawsuits that challenge the service’s long-time
use of affirmative action promotion policies.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews028.htm
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Army Pulling Apaches Out of Bosnia: As part of a reduction of its forces in
Bosnia, the Army will pull out all of its Apache attack helicopters. The 16
Apaches in Bosnia will be pulled out of the country in the next few months and
will leave Bosnia at the same time the Army reduces the number of troops it
commits to Stabilization Force by about 750.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews469.htm
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Top Kosovo NCO Will Return to Duty: CAMP BONDSTEEL, Kosovo — The top-ranking
non-commissioned officer for Kosovo will return to duty in the next couple of
days following an investigation concerning inappropriate behavior, according
to a U.S. Army news release.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews473.htm
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Camouflage - The New "In Thing" in the Fashion World: NEW YORK--Camouflage may
help combat troops blend into their surroundings, but fashion's foot soldiers
are sporting the military-inspired look to help them stand out in a crowd.
http://usmilitary.about.com/library/news/blnews481.htm
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MILITARY HUMOR: Some Ways to Simulate Being in the Navy:
1. Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.
2. Surround yourself with 200 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul language like a child uses sugar on cereal.
3. Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world. Have a neighbour bring you a Time, Newsweek, or Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events.
4. Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc)
5. Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 40 people using the same commode.
6. Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period.
7. Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 20 minutes.
8. Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep.
9. Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.
10. Listen to your favourite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your favourite CD.
11. Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.
12. Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and nightcrew bump around and wake you up. Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens, helicopter crash alarms, and a new-wave rock band.
13. Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and wait two weeks before eating them.
14. Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes.
15. Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power.
16. At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a 'black water system' boo-boo.
17. Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat. Scrub the faceshield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it. Wear this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the bathroom.
18. Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together.
19. Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks.
20. Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time.
21. Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships.
22. When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it is hard and stale.
23. Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right.
24. Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit.
25. Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket for warmth.
26. Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from -2 to 95 deg C.
27. Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time.
28. Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not.
29. Remind yourself every day: 'it's not just a job, it's an adventure!'
30. Mix kerosene with your water supply to simulate the de-sal plant on the ship picking up JP5 in the intake -- if a lit match thrown into your coffee pot doesn't ignite it, add more kerosene.
31. Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent.
32. Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator. Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks. Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER: DO NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them.
33. Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey.
34. Wait outside your dining area as a family member eats a meal, then have that person serve you a meal prepared several hours earlier.
35. Shut all blinds and doors at sunset.
36. Clean your house 'till there's absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere. Call on a stranger to come inspect your house. Ensure stranger sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him. Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your house/belongings.
37. Hang Christmas lights in June. When the neighbors ask, say, "deceptive lighting."
38. Hang white lights when relatives visit. When neighbors ask, say, "friendship lights."
For more military humor, visit our Military Humor Subject-Area on the About.com U.S. Military Information Site at:
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With those words
of wisdom, I once again leave you.,
Rod Powers
About.com's U.S. Military Information Site
