|Military Jokes & Humor|
|Intelligence Resignation Letter|
SUBJECT: Intelligence Resignation letter
I have come
to the conclusion, with great regret that it is necessary for me to resign.
Things being as they are, I fell I am a failure as an intelligence analystI
will never have the qualifications needed to fulfill this unenviable,
thankless, and increasingly frustrating job.
To be an
analyst, one must be courteous, diplomatic, shrewd, persuasive, an expert
briefer, even-tempered, slow to anger, a Sherlock Holmes, up-to-date,
good looking(with a firm voice and honest eyes), and in possession of
a photographic memory. Additionally, an analyst must be an English scholar,
an expert in various weapons systems, and the embodiment of virtue
with a good working knowledge of sin and evil in all of its forms.
must have a detailed understanding of all types of devices that can cause
death and despair (both currently available and planed for future release),
as well as electricity, engineering, physics and politics, chemistry and
causeways, mechanics and manufacturing, science and smuggling, and finally
horse trading and human nature. Though not absolutely necessary, it is
considered most helpful if an analyst possesses a MBA, Ph.D., PDQ, and
must also be a mind reader, a hypnotist and an athlete. He must be acquainted
with weapons of all types, as well as all associated precursor chemicals
available, and he must know the exact Black Market price for everything
from an AK-47 round to a three-stage thermonuclear device. An analyst
must know all, see all, and tell absolutely nothing without verifying
a valid need-to-know. It is also extremely useful for an analyst to have
the ability to be in several places (minimum of six) at the same time.
is essential for the analyst to be able to arrive at an assessment which
can perfectly and equally satisfy the Section Chief, the NCOIC, the Commander,
the MAJCOM IN, and all forward deployed units
with out being an