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YOUR FAMILY MIGHT BE TOO HOOAH IF:

• Your wife's two favorite shades of lipstick are light green and loam.
• You go to a barbecue and insist that your family feed in a tactical chow line at five meter intervals
• Before you hit the road on vacation you conduct rehearsals, backbriefs, PCI, and cover your convoy checklist.
• Your children clear their hand receipt and housing before they go to college.
• Your wife has more jumps than most LTs in the company.
• Your kids call the yard their MWR area.
• You require your mechanic to replace the sandbags in your floorboard as a part of a tune-up.
• Your station wagon is equipped with blackout lights, OVE, OVM, and has to be properly dispatched.
• Your kids call their mother "Household 6."
• Your kids use the "F" word at least five times in every sentence.
• Your kids volunteer to pull air guard on the school bus.
• Your doorbell sounds off with the current challenge and password.
• Your house has sector sketches posted by every window.
• You give the command "Fix Bayonets" at Thanksgiving Dinner.
• Your kids show their meal cards at the kitchen door, except the oldest, who is on separate rations.
• You make your daughter sign out on pass on Prom Night.
• Your kindergartner calls recess "smoke break."
• Your wife calls foreplay "prepping the objective."
• Your wife conducts an AAR after sex.
• Your wife "takes a knee" in the checkout line at the Food Lion.
• You do your "back to school" shopping at the U.S. Cavalry store.
• Your kids call the tooth fairy "Slicky Boy."
• Your son fails the third grade but tells everyone he was a "phase three recycle."
• Your kids salute their grandparents.
• Your wife's "high-n-tight" is more squared away than your commander's.
• Your kids get a LES for their allowance.
• Your grandmother won "All American Week" and "Best Ranger."
• All your kids have names that start with AR, FM, TM, or DA Form.
• Your pick-up has your name stenciled on the windshield.
• Your kids are hand-receipt holders.
• Your older kids call the youngest one "Cherry."
• Your kids recite their ABCs phonetically.
• Your wife keeps Mermites in the China cabinet.
• You DX'd your wife and then you held a "Change of Command" ceremony.
• You call your in-laws the "Slice Elements."
• Your dog's name is "Ranger."
• All your possessions are military issue.
• Your kids call their sandbox "NTC or CMTC"
• You have pull-up bars outside the kitchen door.
• Your daughter's first haircut was a flattop.
• Your kids pull fireguard.
• Your newborn's first words were "all OK Jumpmaster."
• You "bum dips" from your four year old daughter.
• The only channels you get are CNN, and ESPN.