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- Return
Hitler's Mein Kampf to the library. "What a wimp."
- Paint
apartment in town. Remember to take down and save Charlie Manson's poster.
"Helter Skelter.... OK, there are a few good Americans."
- Cancel
subscription to Terrorist Monthly, Islamic edition. "That Soldier
of Fortune rag is for wussies."
- Command
my operatives (in secure channels) to give up that 'purple dinosaur'
thing in America, it isn't subverting the country as I had planned.
- Verify
$11 million in life insurance policies, with American Casualties, on
2 of my wives. Tell them I'm going camping.
- Remember
to give family my new P. O. box. (to forward my allowance) Being an
unemployed playboy terrorist can be a tough life.
- Trade
in my magic carpet for a Honda Accord. Those Japanese DO make a good
set o' wheels!
- Hold yard
sale. Available: 4 AK-47 assault rifles in good condition. 400 lbs of
Ammonium nitrate fertilizer. (It was for the lawn) Blueprints for Bangor
Submarine base.
- Burn that
'bachelor party' video featuring Saddam's ugly half-sister.
- Buy a
Castro Halloween mask early, so I can sneak across the border. Nobody
will be looking for HIM here. As a backup, I could use a Jesse Jackson
costume and pretend I was 'negotiating' with the Taliban!
- Look up
and save Johnnie Cochran's phone number just in case I DO get caught.......
- And pray
to Allah that I don't get Yugoslav Ex-President Slobodan Milosevic as
a cell-mate. I'm told he doesn't like Muslims!
Copyright
© J. Patterson. Used With Permission
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