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December
1st
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
I'm happy to inform you that the Squadron Chrismas Party will take place
on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked
eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing
along. And don't be surprised if our Commander shows up dressed as Santa
Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can
be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 2nd
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members.
We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides
with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now
on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies
to unit members who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be
no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 3rd
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member in the Alcohol Rehabilitation
Program requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this
request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads,"AA
Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about
the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the junior airmen
in the squadron feel that $10 is too much money.
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 7th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
I've arranged for members who are enrolled in the Air Force Weight Management
Program (AFWMP) to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women
closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians
do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes,
there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 9th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our Commander
to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen
to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little
man in a red suit."
Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF
Executive Officer
December 10th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this
party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit
at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put
it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponics tomatoes.. But,
you know,tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them.
I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all
have a rotten holiday!
Drive drunk and die, you hear me?
The Bitch from Hell
December 14th
TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Captain Lewis a speedy recovery
from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to
her at the Mental Health Clinic. In the meantime, I've decided to cancel
our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off, instead.
Happy Holidays!
Ron Donaldson, Lt Col, USAF
Commander
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