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You rush up the stairs with the others. At the top of the third floor landing is a door leading into a large squad bay. Each wall is covered by a long line of gray, metal lockers.

In front of each locker is a metal bed with a bare mattress. Folded neatly at the foot of each bed are green blankets on top of white sheets. Stenciled on the blankets in large black letters are the words "Property of U.S. Military." In front of each bed is a wooden foot locker, painted in that shade you've come to know as "puke-green."

You move down the bay and stand in front of an empty bunk. Everyone is standing at attention, panting from the mad dash up the stairs. As you stand there, your knees are beginning to shake as you wonder what you're going to do about your missing bag.

Suddenly, Staff Sergeant Fear enters the bay carrying your bag.

"Who's bag is this? Who's littering my stairwell?"

Knowing you can't get out of it, you sound off, "It's my bag, Drill Sergeant!"

Staff Sergeant Fear strides up to you. "Double-Crap! I should have known. You a litter bug, Double-Crap? You like to make messes?"

"No Drill Sergeant!"

"Well, if you don't like to make messes, then you must like to clean them up!"

Staff Sergeant Fear begins to take items out of your bag.

"We got jeans here. A pair of dirty socks. Whew! What a stink! You're stinking up my bay, Double-Crap!"

As he takes each item out of the bag, he casually tosses it over his shoulder.

"Purple underwear?" he yells, "Are you gay, Double-Crap? Never mind. We don't ask that question anymore." He raises his voice to continue "If you're gay, Double-Crap, that's your own business. Just don't talk about it."

Luckily for you, the recruit standing in front of the bunk next to you smiles. Staff Sergeant Fear immediately moves to him.

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Above Photo Courtesy of United States Air Force