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In the bathroom, you quickly enter a stall, in case someone should happen to look in. You're just finishing up, reviling in the feeling of ultimate relief, when you hear the bathroom door slam open.

"I know you're in here, you miserable piece of inedible garbage! Where in the hell are you? Sound off, you rotten little bag of monkey-turds!"

Peeking above the stall door, you see a "Smokey the Bear" hat bobbing around. Looking down, you see the tips of very shiny boots stomping past the stall door.

In your panic, you pull your zipper up to fast and get yourself caught.

Even though the pain is more severe than any torture you have experienced in your entire life, you know you can take it.........no you can't -- you let out a scream that moves the ceiling tiles above your head.

"Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooooow!"

The stall door slams open, slapping you hard in the chest.

"That's 'Hoorah!,' you dimwitted son of a diseased toad! If you're going to 'sound off,' at least get it right! What in the Hell are you doing out of line, messing up my latrine?????"

Looking up, you see a giant of a Drill Instructor who makes Sergeant Regret look like a sick child.

"Well, Sir, I had to go really ba......."

"Sir??????? Did you just call me 'Sir?' Do you see these stripes on my sleeve? Do I look like a dagburn 'sir' to you? Do I look like I spend my time behind a desk, you retarded nitwit?"

"No, Drill Instructor!," you reply as you finally remember the correct term.

"Didn't Sergeant Regret tell you not to speak? Is something wrong with your ears, recruit? Get on the friggin floor and give me 30!"

You drop down and can barely get 25 push-ups off. Snorting in disgust, the D.I. orders you to get your butt out of the latrine and back into the line in the hall.

Just as you are about to open the door, the D.I. bellows, "Halt, you uncultured pig! I don't know what kind of untrained dog your mother raised you to be, but in my Military we wash our hands!"

You go over to the sink and turn on the water. As you are washing your hands, the D.I. approaches, cups a handful of water from the sink, and throws it on the front of your pants.

"That's better. We'll let everyone know exactly what kind of unwashed pig held up the line outside. By the way, when everyone else settles down for beddy-bye tonight, I've got a job for you. Now that you dirtied my latrine, you're going to have to clean it up. Keep your toothbrush out when you unpack."

Get Back in Line

Above Photos Official DOD Photograph